Wait what?! The insane things I’ve heard as a person with a disability.

 Imagine you’re walking down the street and see  a man who is of an ethnicity different than your own. Would you ask him why his skin is that color? Would you ask him why he’s not female? Are you going to stare at this man and tell him that he’s an inspiration for doing every day things? Would you ask this man if he’s able to have sex? 

I’m guessing that the answers to the above questions are all no because that would be weird and make you look like a total creep. So now my question is, why are the rules different when that person has a disability? 

I was born with Spina Bifida and I have been paraplegic, using a manual wheelchair, my entire life. As a person who has a disability, I do often run into ignorant people who talk about me to the people I’m with as though I’m not there, assuming I’m incapable of communicating or understanding and that’s infuriating, but most of the time my family, friends and I just experience comments and questions that you would never expect. 

I’m totally ok with my disability and willing to explain things or answer questions, but every so often the questions are either just so repetitive or insane that it’s hard to answer them seriously, so my husband and I will make shit up for our own entertainment. Yea, I know it’s immature, but if you were asked the same questions virtually every day of your life, I guarantee that you would get creative too.

The question I get asked the most often is “What happened to you?” This is usually followed by people being really surprised because apparently, at least according to society, a person who was born with a disability should not be as articulate or educated as I am. Yea, the comments that I’m too well spoken or intelligent to have been disabled my entire life are weird, but still not as bad as the comments regarding my appearance.

“You don’t dress like a person with a disability.” Umm.. yea, that’s a comment I heard that I still don’t know how to respond to. I guess I missed the memo that people who have a disability shouldn’t be wearing jeans and a sweatshirt in the winter. I try to be polite and patient, but sometimes it’s really hard not to just look at the person and ask what the fuck is wrong with their brain. The other comment that I get quite often is that people are surprised that my disability is a birth defect because I’m pretty and usually well put together. Umm… Again, I guess I missed the memo that I’m not supposed to look like a human being because I have a disability. Again, I have to say What the fuck?!

Yes, I have a disability and use a wheelchair full time, but I’m also a married woman who owns a home and has a pretty freaking cute German Shepherd. Obviously I have to do some things in less conventional ways, like having my dog help me load the dishwasher, but the reality is that I live a pretty regular life just like all of you who are not disabled. The only thing that I can not do is walk.

So unless you’re going to have a moment of insanity and ask that random guy walking down the street why he looks the way he does, don’t be that person who feels the need to ask personal questions of someone who has a disability. Also, please keep in mind that its my spinal cord that doesn’t work properly, not my eyes or brain and I can see you when you stand in the middle of a store aisle staring at me. In that situation, I come across as friendly because I always say hi, but the truth is, I only do it because its funny as hell to see people awkwardly stuttering and trying to get away because they’re embarrassed that they were noticed.

Now I realize that some people may read this and think that I’m just an asshole, and full disclosure… yea, I can be, but I’m asking you to think about what you say and do when you’re around someone who appears different than you and don’t assume that disability means inferiority. 

This is just a glimpse of some of the things that people have said to me, and it doesn’t include the ignorant comments that I have received from medical professionals so this is probably not going to be the last blog like this one.